I DO NOT LIKE CANCER HERE OR THERE!

These past few months have been hard for me. Not only have I had physical struggles with Lupus, but also emotional struggles dealing with my mother's cancer.

I'm scared.

I'll admit it. I'm scared something with happen to my Mom.

I lost my "Mammaw" four years ago. She helped raised me. I thought I lost part of myself that day.

This post is mostly an "update" since I've been oddly absent from YouTube lately. (More on that below)

Mom will be having surgery on WEDNESDAY!!!!!

If all goes well they may be able to save her voice box, remove the necrotic tissue, and give her a tracheotomy.

She's not happy. She's super depressed.

She went from making 30.00 an hour to 322.00 a month on disability. It's been a struggle for her mentally and physically. She weights 97 pounds. It breaks my heart.

People keep asking what they can do to help.

All I am ASKING FOR are PRAYERS! They are TOTALLY FREE!

I reallllllly thought about making a "Go Fund Me" to help my mom. She worries constantly about medical bills. She should NOT have to worry about that on top of cancer. But, I didn't. I likely won't.

We are under severe financial strain ourselves. A few nights we had ramen. But, I consider us lucky. We do have lights and a home. Some people don't have that.

Now, I won't lie and say that this unexpected financial strain has not caused major emotional issues.

That is one reason I am not on YouTube. I CANNOT shop to show Dollar Tree hauls.

I'm afraid that if I start talking about the situation I WILL CRY.

But, here are some things you CAN do.

If you WANT soap and bath or body things check out "Geeky Queen Soaps" on Etsy. I'll be adding more in the coming weeks.

Geeky Queen Soaps

Also, if you shop on Amazon, using my link would help me.

http://amzn.to/2bpSgCN


So, prayers are the best way to help. Thank you all. I love you! Cupcakes!

Stronger.....

"What doesn't kill us makes us stronger...". I've heard that phrase SO MANY times. It goes hand in hand with "Karma will repay you...", etc. So many good quotes. However, I'm not seeing the results.

I've been through so much in my life. Illness, injuries, the loss of my "Mammaw", and now more. 

I'm not going into details about what is going on .... but it's enough to make me feel like an ant carrying a boulder.

My brother and I are more alike than I would have guessed. Neither one of us have really eaten since yesterday. We both are seeking sleep as solace but I was woken today because I was told "you were crying in your sleep so bad I had to wake you." So, even sleep isn't healing or hiding me.

I really do love this picture and quote but it tells me THREE things.

I MUST BE SUPER DUPER ....

STRONG

BRAVE

and

WISE

Why don't I feel like I am any of these things?

I don't feel strong at all. Last night I was crying and blubbering because I felt useless in a situation.

I know I'm not brave. I wouldn't have panic attacks if I were brave.

And....

Wiser? I'm no so sure about that either.

I need a new quote...

If things make you stronger then I should be able to lift the car and carry it into town.

I just want to be able to handle the stress and stressors with grace.

So, today...

I broke out my new "Kat Von D" Mi Vida Loca pallete. I played with makeup. I took selfies. I ombred my lips. I tried to make myself feel pretty, fierce, and STRONG!

A friend told me her makeup was like "warpaint" for the day.

Maybe, I will have to start applying my "warpaint". 

I also measured out enough oils to make 6 pounds of soap. (sadly, I didn't realize I didn't have enough lye so I had to order it)

I don't want to sleep...

I don't want to eat...

I don't want to cry anymore..

I don't want to puke anymore..

I really really want to call my Mommy and cry. I can't do that. I HAVE to be the STRONG one. 

But, what if the glass continues to bend and bend...

When does it break?

That is my question....

Comment below and let me know if you have a stress-relieving idea....

Thanks for reading.

Love you all,

XOXO

The Curvy Nerd

Tea time with Downton Abbey!

Dearest friends,

I know that as of late I have been quite absent. My life seems to be a series of work, sleep, rinse, and repeat. I've been having trouble sleeping which you all know makes working on other things quite hard. So, I've turned to…DOWNTON ABBEY!!

Keep calm and drink tea!

Naturally, watching this has definitely made me want TEA.  I can think of nothing else. I've been making tea trying to soothe my nerves, calm panic, sleep, wake, etc.

I honestly haven't had the chance to try any exotic type of tea.  But, I've become addicted to Pinterest.  On there I can live my dreams of having a gorgeous tea set, having high tea, scones, clotted cream, and biscuits. Yes, I have an urge to be British you wicked child!

Seriously though, I'm really sorry for my absence as of late. Life has been so hectic. I get downtime and my tooth flares up or I become terribly clumsy and break my toe.

Hopefully, in the next few weeks I can figure out a schedule that works. If my Internet works again, if my job slows down, and if I can keep myself well. I know I'm working too much. I know I'm doing too much. I know this causes flares with Lupus. But, desperate times call for desperate measures.

I hope you are all doing well. I pray for you each night. Thank you all for sticking with me. Until the next time we meet I will dream about my tea set, tea, scones, biscuits, and being on the set of Downton Abbey. 

I miss you all.

Xoxo THE CURVY NERDY TEA DRINKER

Schedules?! I ain't got time for that!

I've been waking up with panic attacks in the middle night and every morning. I can say that a lot of this has to do with the fact that I've been ill, stressed to the max, and hurting. Still, I have to figure out some sort of schedule that works for me. Schedule is a bad word in my vocabulary. 

Many people are very bad at schedule that is just a fact. However, if you ever have dealt with someone or have a chronic illness you know it's even worse. You may plan to feel good on a certain day and do certain things but your body may do differently. That seems to be par for the course for me for the last few weeks months years etc.

Live. Laugh. Love. 

I like that idea. 

I really want to make more consistent videos and stick to a schedule. However, I am working full-time from home, took on a second job to add to my tooth fund, and have been sick the past week.

This leaves very little time to do things like videos unless you want to see me looking like crap and sounding like Kermit the frog on crack.

I seem to be grabbing a few minutes here and there between work, sleep, etc. to watch videos and try to comment so that I'm still in the loop. I took a small hiatus from social media the past couple days and just peeked in because I felt so bad.

I have a very long list of "I need to do":

* I need to get a haircut

* I need to get my monster brows whittled down into two eyebrows instead of one

* I need to get the energy to recolor my hair

* I need to make more videos

And the list goes on.

Obviously, the above four are not necessities. I really need to eat, sleep, etc. but, those are things I want to get accomplished.

I have finally bought my own domain so that I can have my own little corner of the web for a couple dollars. Eventually, I need to build a website but that's likely going to take a bit of time. 

So, my fellow geeks, nerds, dorks, dweebs, snowflakes, etc. ( still thinking on the perfect name for that ) 

I plan to try my best to schedule things. There will be many hiccups. I can't schedule sickness in advance, sadly. I can't schedule bone aching fatigue in advance. I can't schedule work interruptions in advance. But, I can at least outline but I'd like to get done.

I'm going to try to start filming again so let me know what you would like to see out of the following videos that I really should get done:

Dollar tree stuff

Ipsy/other unboxings

Soap making or crafts

Declutter series

Vlogs 

Leave me a comment! I love comments. I will definitely take it into consideration.

Thank you all again for being part of my "chosen" family. I love you all dearly and just know that you make me smile each day.

Xoxoxo 

The Curvy Nerd