"It will never work! You're lazy! You're not really sick!"
Because this was a very very close family member it hurt more than usual. If I'm not sick why did my kidneys almost fail at the age of 22. If I'm not sick why do I battle fatigue that overwhelms me so much that sometimes just taking a bath is a trial. If I'm not sick… Why do I feel this way? If I'm not sick… Are the doctors lying to me… Is it some huge conspiracy…?
I admit that I cried for hours and thought of things that were not very healthy for me. I couldn't believe that this person said those words. I know it all came about because I didn't have enough money to fix my own water pump. I had to borrow. I will be paying it back! But, I don't work… therefore I am lazy!
Why do people feel this way? Why would someone that sees the daily issues I face, who understands firsthand the condition, etc. say these words to me? I've been thinking about that so much since yesterday morning.
The only answer that I could come up with was that she didn't want to believe I was sick. Yes, it was a she. Maybe, it hurts her to think of somebody this close to her dealing with so much. Maybe, she thought this "peptalk" would make me all better. It did. It hurt me. That hurt me to my very core.
She also told me that anxiety, depression, and panic attacks are… "All in your head." If you're strong enough you can just push them away. Apparently, I just want attention on me. Apparently, I'm not strong enough in her eyes.
There are some huge changes on the horizon for me. I've been trying to get a video made to explain some of them but things keep popping up. Honestly, I didn't want to make a video when I look like a sweaty mess with no water in 100° weather.
But, the changes aren't bad. They're just things I need to do to make myself a better person. They are also things that I hope will benefit you. I'm going to document these changes. I'm going to be steadfast in this endeavor.
And most of all… No matter what that person thinks of me… No matter how pitiful their opinion of me is....I'm going to make this happen! This… Will be explained in my next video so stay tuned. Sorry again that I haven't been able to make videos. I promise but soon I will have my 1000 subscriber video thank you and winner up as well as a dollar tree haul, and a new beauty blender dupe that I found that I really believe is as good as the one from Sephora!
So stay tuned… Thank you all for believing in me and being there for me… And most of all…
Thank you for not thinking I'm lazy…
Hey Curvy,
ReplyDeleteYou are NOT a lazy person and your conditions are in fact REAL. As a person with the same issues of anxiety, depression, panic attacks, and much more I can tell you it's not in your head. And the fact that it was a person so close to you that said this Shame on them. They have no idea what we go through on a daily basis and how it makes us feel. I can tell you someone I know who's supposed to be a friend said the same thing to me once and I didn't hold my tounge ( not who I am lol), I told them you have no idea what we go through and you don't struggle with any of this you don't know how it makes us feel, so until you know keep your oppions to yourself. It makes me sad to know someone so close to you could be so heartless and say those things and make you feel lower than low and make you cry :( I want you to know that will always be here for you and if you ever just need to talk or anything please don't hesitate to message me any time 💖❤️💜
Hi Jamie .... I'm so sorry that someone, especially someone close to you, would say something like that. I know I'm already so hard one,yself about this kind of things that if someone else says it I just about crumble. I have a VERY small circle of friends because I just can't handle judgement about this. I have not spoken to my one family member much because I can't take it. I hope you feel stronger and I am so looking forward to your new changes. Hugs and spoons! Love Nancy
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