I'll never be a skinny chick.....

On, "Royal by Loorde -- I'll never be a skinny chick ... no slim fast drinks for me..."

The song "Royal", by Loorde has been flooding social media, radio, and MP3 sales. I've seen one dupe of it but I had this dream the other day. In the dream I was beautiful (or at least to myself). When I woke I was sad. I was sad because I'd never be as pretty to myself as I was in the dream. So, in the dream at the end -- these lyrics came to mind:


I've never seen a size four on my body
No Chanel or designer clothes for me.....
I hide my body in oversize shrugs..
In the scary hell, of my own mind and society...

But everyone's like Versace, Donna Karan, slipping in a size two
Vomit stains, mumus, cryin' in my room
I don't caaaare, I'm skinny and gorgeous in my dreams
But everybody's like PhenPhen, Slimfast, gastric bypass for meeee
Tiny bikinis, duck faces, selfies on Facebook
I don't care, I'm not going to be caught upin your fantasy

And I'll never be skinny (skinny)
It's just not meant for me
That kind of life just ain't for me
I crave a different kind of love
Let me be your friend or fantasy (fantasy)
And baby I'll stop crying.. stop dying..
Let me live that fantasy


So yeah, that came to me and though it's sad it's also quite true. I'll never be a size two. I'll never 100% love myself or think I'm beautiful. But, I can do it in my dreams... in my fantasies!

The next time you invite someone to the gym with you or your Facebook weight loss group stop and think about how they feel. Think about what it would be for you.

New research has found that the average overweight woman struggles with her emotions in at least five everyday situations.

A study of 2,257 people, of which 1,467 were deemed to be overweight, found that fat people experience a crisis of confidence when looking in the mirror and at holiday snaps, seeing old friends, trying clothes on in a shop, and getting dressed for a night out.

I think that article says it all...

I wanna be......

I'm willing to bet that every chubby girl has heard this a million times in her life. "Oh but you have SUCH a pretty face." I'm wondering if that means if I had an ugly face I'd be banished to some one room closet like a hermit because I have nothing to offer? I hate hearing "But you have such a pretty face." I'm pretty sure all girls have other qualities that are redeeming other than pretty faces. I'd rather hear, "Wow, you have such a rocking BRAIN!" Yes, I'm a zombie. I eat brainz (cough no) but I love brains. I love to be complimented on my brains and beauty. I used to tease that I had the "three B's.".

* BRAINS
* BEAUTY
* BOOBS

That was a bit of a joke but I'd rather someone tell me I am intelligent and fat than fat and "have such a pretty face". That is just a back handed compliment to tell you to lose weight!

Things that curvy, chubby, fat (insert adjective here) hear all the time:

* But you have a pretty smile... (Thanks, I have teeth and I like to use them CHOMP)
* Wanna go to the gym with me? (If I did I suppose I'd already be there, right?)
* Wanna cut some carbs together? (Does that mean I have to stop eating pasta? Well, no thanks)
* I just want you to be healthy! (Well, pay for my HEALTHY groceries and health insurance)
* Have you thought about gastric bypass? (Hmmm, I think every overweight woman may have THOUGHT about it but no thank you. Unless I get to the point where my weight hinders my life I would not do this. I support those who have done it to improve their health (whether it be physical or mental) but it's not for me)
* Ya know, there are surgeries and stuff now that could help? (Well, ya know there are programs for your mental issue where you have to degrade me!)
* You should dress more for your body type! (Ummmm, yeah she's thinking a tent or mumu)

Anyways, I've heard all these things in my life. Some have come from my family, friends, and those I care about most. Lots have come from random strangers. However, at my advanced age (get me my wheelchair), I am concerned more about how I VIEW MYSELF now than others view me. I know I will NEVER be skinny unless I have some dreadful disease. However, would you like to know a secret? Come closer.... "I DO NOT WANT TO BE SKINNY!" I like my curves. I embrace my voluptuous figure. I enjoy my hips, buns, and the way I am soft.

Now, are there things I want to change? Sure! Ask any "skinny" girl and she'll tell you the same thing. I'd like to lose weight but only lose it in my lower belly, upper arms, and thighs. Sadly, I can't target that. To be fair, I have lost 70lbs in the past few years and plan on losing about 40 more but that's it. I don't want to be a certain weight. I just wanted to be toned. I want to be happy. I want to be free. I want to be..

* a chubby pin up girl
* a fat ballerina
* a curvy fashionista
* a person who accepts others the way they are...

And that's the end of my rant for today folks.

Don't ever tell me, "BUT YOU HAVE SUCH A PRETTY FACE... or YOU'RE CHEEKS ARE SO CUTE.." because you are quite possibly going to get another pair of cheeks to KISS! Enjoy!

Is Fashion Fair?

Nothing in life is ever "fair". I've always heard that saying. 

I don't feel like I deserve to feel like I do most days, have heart issues, etc. at such an age. I try to help people and yet I feel like I'm always getting knocked down. When I've complained I've heard, "Life isn't fair." I wish life was fair. I wish people didn't suffer. I wish all people were actually treated equal. Sadly, this is not the case. It's not true in life and not true in the world of fashion. Life is not fair. The world is not fair.

The fashion industry is no different than life in this matter. They have TONS of items for smaller people. They have sexy outfits, dresses, jeans, etc. for those that fit in 0-14.

 The average U.S. woman, who's 162.9 pounds and wears a size 16, is treated like an anomaly by apparel brands and retailers. 

That is a true fact. The average woman does not fit in the sizes that are carried in most stores. Or at least they don't fit into the sizes that are "fashionable." Just because you are not a size 5 does not mean you don't care about your appearance. I'd love to be able to find items that are slimming, pretty, and don't look like I'm borrowing a 70 year old lady's dress to go to church for a regular outfit. (rant over for the moment)

I'm not trying to say that fashion is fair for the other size of the spectrum either. My roomie in college was a TEENY girl at about 85lbs. She could NEVER find clothes in her size unless she shopped in the children's department. Again, fashion is NOT fair.

So, I've been doing a bit of research on fashion for girls that have some curves and don't want to dress like they are 75. Here is what I've found:

TORRID! OMG I LOOOVE Torrid but their customer service kinda sucks for online orders. They have an awesome mix of geek girl + sexy that = Jamiestyle ;)
I just wish they weren't in Virginia. It's only an hour drive but kinda lonely to shop by myself for clothes. 

Modcloth is perfect for the vintage diva:  They have a GREAT variety of clothes in the most adorable patterns, colors, and vintage looks as well as shoes and accessories. Their prices are mid to normal range and have size ranges from


Rue21: They have GREAT shoes and accessories.  Rue 21 tops fit me IF THEY ARE NOT button up. The girls just cannot contain the button up ones, though ;)

Forever 21: Now they have some awesome stuff. They have a range of sizes, looks, styles, and are very well priced.

Lane Bryant: Awesome bras and panties....

I'm sure there are other great places out there but they wouldn't fit with the style I love. I'll post one picture of a dream outfit so you can get an idea. I'm 30 not 80 and I don't feel like I should dress that way because fashion companies don't think curvy women deserve the same clothes as thin ones (rant over).

My weekend is open. What are YOU doing? Have a great one!

XOXO Jamie

I AM DROOOOOLING FOR THIS SHIRT! 

I want to be a PRINCESS!

I truly believe, dear readers, that most women desire to be a Princess at some point in their lives. Of course, I don't mean in a "royal blood" way. I mean, simply to be treated and feel like a Princess. They want that tiara on their heads and to twirl in a chemise or gown. They want to go to a ball and feel as if they are the only woman in the room. They want a man with eyes ONLY on them because they are and feel like they are the prettiest woman in the room.

     Since I've been watching CW's "Reign", my Princess fantasy is becoming more and more intense. I WANT TO BE A PRINCESS dangit! (insert feet stomping of a 30+ year old woman with two chihuahuas hanging on her lap right now). I want to swirl around in a ball gown, dance amidst flying flying feathers, and feel pretty. It's not just feeling pretty. It's feeling as if you are truly important, loved, adored, and someone has eyes ONLY for YOU!

     I LOVE history. Well, I don't love ALL history. I love reading about the past Queens and Kings -- their struggles, treachery, etc. I don't want the treachery, the murder, the poison wine, and the issues that go on "behind the veil". It reminds me too much of our own government (as a dear friend reminded me). I just want to be a Princess for ONE night or day. Is that too much to ask? I don't even want a REAL diamond tiara. A fake one will do. I don't need a 10k ball gown. I don't need all the glitz and glamour. But, a nice carriage ride through a lighted street while sharing a blanket, sipping mulled cider, wearing a gown (and of course my crown) would be rather regal.

I mean just LOOK at this picture. Wouldn't you want your Prince and future King to be looking at you with such desire in his eyes. Desire only for YOU! (swoons) Where is my fainting couch. Sometimes, dear readers, I feel as if I was born into the wrong century. However, I would very much miss the modern conveniences like "washrooms" and "heat". I don't want to pick lice off people and with my luck I'd be one of those washer beggar women.

But, it's nice to dream. It's nice to think about the handsome Prince by your side at a ball as you ready yourself to twirl the night away in absolute bliss. I will never think of myself as a Princess. I've been bullied, teased, and put down most of my life because of my looks, because I'm a "nerd", or other things. I'm working on my self esteem but going from negative numbers to a 1 is a huge leap for me.

Le sigh... I am waited (with baited breath) for the next installment of "Reign". Until then, I will try to find some book to devour so I can put myself into that era.

As you may know, the Kings often took upon Mistresses. This last episode the King took upon one named "Kenna". She was very self-conscious and wasn't sure of his love. So, he did the ultimate sweet gesture that wasn't costly or diamonds or gems or jewels.. he wrote her name in candles outside her window. *Swoon*

Is this like holding a "boombox" up with "their song" for that era? Perhaps...

Either way.... I wouldn't trade my life for theirs (unless I was one of those lucky royals who didn't get the pox or something dreadful).... but watching this show just makes my Princess and history fascination go up another notch....

Stay tuned -- dear readers -- I took a weekend from "soaping" to rest some. I realized (no my body realized) that I was doing too much and MADE me take a break. But, I've got new scents and I will show them here sooooon.

Kisses and wonderful dreams of your Princess or Prince...

XOXO

PS: I might make a DIY "Reign" inspired headband!