A Christmas Wish that hasn't been granted......

A Wish that has not been granted.....

I've had the same Christmas wish for many years. It seems very silly. Its seems trivial. To most people it comes "Easy". All I want for Christmas is to see TWO lines. That sounds rather simple. Most women will know what I am talking about. I have taken SO MANY ovulation and pregnancy tests that I should own stock in the companies. I've had TWO lines a few times but it "just wasn't meant to be" or so I was told. So, with three plus miscarriages under my belt ... my wish this Christmas is for..

TWO LINES...

Yes, that's all I want.

I don't want a new Iphone, a blue box from Tiffany's, or anything else that can be bought. I want that child that I have longed for.. for over ten years. I want that baby that I dream of. I can see his/her eyelashes, the eye color, and remember the questions like.. Will he/she have your eyes or mine? 

I WANT...

TWO LINES...

I don't want to hear what people tell me all the time...

For instance..

* I Just get NEAR HIM and I get pregnant (Lucky you.. can I get near him?)

* Just RELAX (If it was that easy I'd be doing yoga on my head every night)

* Have you tried X Herb ( Yes, yes I have)

* At least you have natural birth control (SO NOT FUNNY)

* You can have one of mine! (Don't tease too much or I'll be at your door with adoption papers)

And then after they learn there have been multiple miscarriages they tell you things like...

* There is always adoption (If I could afford it I'd LOVE to adopt a child)

* It wasn't meant to be (HOW DO YOU KNOW?)

* Maybe it was not "right" (I'd take ANY child... any child of mine would be right)

When you make your Christmas wish lists this year remember the ladies that are just wishing for 

TWO LINES...

They want Santa to bring them the near impossible. 

I've not given up!

I'll never give up!

I might have a lot of stress, issues, and even medical problems in my life but I know I could offer a loving and stable home for a child.

So.. Santa, if you are listening... my Christmas Wish is...

TWO LINES!

This year is ESPECIALLY important. I keep doing this crazy fantasizing about showing my mother a positive pregnancy test for Christmas.  She starts chemo the day before Thanksgiving and wants to be a grandmother so bad. 

I actually feel like I've failed. I've failed at something that comes so natural to most women. I've failed at something that "crack addicts" can do. It squishes your self-esteem, it hurts your heart, and it makes you feel inferior.

Remember -- this year -- I just want TWO LINES!

I'm sure lots of other PCOS (and other infertility issues) would agree.

All we want are TWO LINES for Christmas. Buck up Santa!

XOXO
Me