Losing Weight is not always fun!

Sooo.... my lovely snowflakes ... long time no chat! It has been a WHILE!

I'm going to cry because it's ALMOST my birthday and "it's my party so I'll cry if I want to?"

I titled this "Losing weight is not always fun..." because I've lost like 7 pounds in the past week. Most people would be JAZZED and SO EXCITED but not when you CANNOT EAT! See, I realized that being sick is a HUGE trigger for me.

When I CANNOT eat and I lose weight it's fine. I'm not doing it on PURPOSE. But, then it becomes a habit which becomes a PROBLEM!

So, losing weight is not always fun. It brings up old insecurities, it brings up sadness, it brings up memories from the past, and it brings up triggers for eating disorders.

I started (and filmed) an entire Birchbox review tonight and then looked at the video and promptly deleted it. Not giving myself the proper nutrients has made me have dark circles, look tired, and just "not myself". So, as soon as I feel better I'll be BACK into the YouTube world -- I promise.

I have TONS of Dollar Tree products to show you guys, Ipsy bags, Birchboxes, and much more!

Let me know what you'd like to see on the new channel (If you're not subscribed it's called Curvy Chronicles).

I bought MYSELF a birthday present that will be here by then (Thursday) and I hope  it will make my videos better.

Until then -- I MISS AND LOVE you all! Thank you SO MUCH for your support, kind words, love, and just your comments.

You make this little snowflake melt from warm hugs.

Have a great one!

XOXO
The Curvy Nerd

A DOLL IN A BOX

                                   A DOLL IN A BOX

 A good friend called me a "Doll in a Box." I thought about this for a while and decided that he was quite correct. I do feel like a doll trapped in a pristine box. Perhaps, I'm waiting to be opened. Perhaps, the packaging needs to be ripped apart so I can finally be "free".

When I started my YouTube channel I had a vision. I wanted to show outfits and makeup and just "looks" that would make women (all women) feel inspired, free, and beautiful. But, I especially wanted to showcase plus size clothing, fashion, makeup, and beauty. Why? Because a great deal of plus size women have issues feeling beautiful. I am not going to place blame on any certain person or group or people. Each person has their own inner demons to battle. For me -- it was how I grew up, how I was bullied and treated in high school through college -- and my eating disorder. The mirror was my enemy.

This was my dream!

This was my vision!

Somewhere, I got lost. I stayed the "Doll in the Box". I was scared to branch out and show outfits, show my body, and show myself. I'm not scared anymore. I want to have the channel I intended. So, I'm branching off. I still LOVE to do Dollar Tree Hauls, DIYs, etc.

But, I want a channel for "real talk". It might be above the normal "PG-ish" rating. It might show lingerie. It might show something of a "sexual" nature. But, it will be mine. I will be free. The box will be open. 

So, I urge you to subscribe to my new channel: Curvy Chronicles 

It will be the channel that finally allows me to "Let the doll out of the box" to play. I want to express myself. I want to be open. I want to be honest.

Most of all -- I want to be me.

I hope that you can support this journey..

Love you all,

XOXO
The Doll in the Box

Schedules?! I ain't got time for that!

I've been waking up with panic attacks in the middle night and every morning. I can say that a lot of this has to do with the fact that I've been ill, stressed to the max, and hurting. Still, I have to figure out some sort of schedule that works for me. Schedule is a bad word in my vocabulary. 

Many people are very bad at schedule that is just a fact. However, if you ever have dealt with someone or have a chronic illness you know it's even worse. You may plan to feel good on a certain day and do certain things but your body may do differently. That seems to be par for the course for me for the last few weeks months years etc.

Live. Laugh. Love. 

I like that idea. 

I really want to make more consistent videos and stick to a schedule. However, I am working full-time from home, took on a second job to add to my tooth fund, and have been sick the past week.

This leaves very little time to do things like videos unless you want to see me looking like crap and sounding like Kermit the frog on crack.

I seem to be grabbing a few minutes here and there between work, sleep, etc. to watch videos and try to comment so that I'm still in the loop. I took a small hiatus from social media the past couple days and just peeked in because I felt so bad.

I have a very long list of "I need to do":

* I need to get a haircut

* I need to get my monster brows whittled down into two eyebrows instead of one

* I need to get the energy to recolor my hair

* I need to make more videos

And the list goes on.

Obviously, the above four are not necessities. I really need to eat, sleep, etc. but, those are things I want to get accomplished.

I have finally bought my own domain so that I can have my own little corner of the web for a couple dollars. Eventually, I need to build a website but that's likely going to take a bit of time. 

So, my fellow geeks, nerds, dorks, dweebs, snowflakes, etc. ( still thinking on the perfect name for that ) 

I plan to try my best to schedule things. There will be many hiccups. I can't schedule sickness in advance, sadly. I can't schedule bone aching fatigue in advance. I can't schedule work interruptions in advance. But, I can at least outline but I'd like to get done.

I'm going to try to start filming again so let me know what you would like to see out of the following videos that I really should get done:

Dollar tree stuff

Ipsy/other unboxings

Soap making or crafts

Declutter series

Vlogs 

Leave me a comment! I love comments. I will definitely take it into consideration.

Thank you all again for being part of my "chosen" family. I love you all dearly and just know that you make me smile each day.

Xoxoxo 

The Curvy Nerd