I was very close friends with this girl. We did everything together for a period of a few years. About a year and a half ago her mental condition worsened and she began taking everything out. The friendship became almost intolerant. She would lash out. I kept in contact with her but could no longer be her punching bag.
I was well aware she suffered from mental illness. She had severe bipolar disorder. She also had major depressive disorder.
In the span of our very close to your friendship she was involuntarily committed six times for trying to end her life.
Many of these times she would actually take pills in front of you and say, "what are you going to do now?" She would wait patiently for the EMS and I would come deliver activated charcoal and the waiting time with would begin again.
The last time she did it in my presence she actually took my medication and took the whole bottle. Not only did she take her medicine I needed but she down the whole bottle in front of her husband and family.
She admitted to me that she used this tactic keep her husband with her. He had thought of leaving her because of her erratic and abusive behavior. She knew that he would always find her.
I knew there had to be more. She was on quite a few medications for mental illness but refused therapy. I was urged her to go out for therapy. I told her it was the true answer.
Now I come to the part where I discussed the semicolon project!
“A semicolon is used when an author could’ve chosen to end their sentence, but chose not to. The author is you and the sentence is your life.” Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the US, reports USA Today.
I love this idea. Your story is not ended. But, a semicolon reminds you that I easily could have been. It reminds you to take a pause. Take a break. Don't and your story.
I guess the reason I'm writing this today is because I received a phone call very early this morning. In the 15 to 20 times that she overdosed in the past 3 to 4 years she always make sure someone would find her.
Someone did find her!
Her son just graduated. He found her.
This time, he found her too late. This time, there was no pause. This time, she was dead.
I have so many conflicting emotions because of how she treated me. However, the one one emotion that I know I have is sadness. I'm very sad that she never got the help she needed. I'm sad she's leaving her husband, two sons, and a nine-month-old granddaughter. I'm sad that she never got the help she needed.
Just remember, there is always someone out there that loves you, that support you, and doesn't want you to end your story.
I've never gotten a tattoo. I'm just too fickle. I knew that I change my mind. However, I am considering now.
A semicolon would remind me of all that see it that my story and their story is not ended. You just take a pause. Remember that things will be better tomorrow.
I've been hurting terribly in a physical manner for the past few weeks. I've been super depressed because I can't eat, I can't smile, and it's very difficult to sleep. Having teeth problems is one of the worst pain I've ever experienced. I have a very high pain threshold.
It just seems terribly ironic that I have a time when I am trying to figure out how to pay for tooth extraction, setting up a go fund me account, etc. that someone else is taking their own life. Honestly, I can't say I've never thought of it with all the pain that I go through mentally and physically. But, I know my story is not ready for that final period.
I just need a pause. Perhaps you need to pause. Just remember you always have people that love and support you. Don't take that final step. Think about the noble and often forgotten semicolon. Just pause.
Our story is not ready to end!
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